October Read: "Improving Your Serve"

As a believer in Jesus Christ and His finished work on the cross alone for my salvation I bear the title “Christian,” which literally means “Christ follower.” This title also declares where my allegiance lies. And as a “Christ follower” it implies that I am following Jesus so that I can be like Him. That is the whole point in following someone; it is to learn everything about them so we can imitate them. As a Christian, I want to imitate Christ in everything I do.

One of the ways I must be like Christ is to serve as Christ served. “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45; ESV). It is this verse which is the whole foundation in Chuck Swindoll’s book, “Improving Your Serve.” In it Swindoll talks about “The Art of Unselfish Living.” Did you catch that? Living as a servant requires me to live unselfishly—and it is an art which much be mastered. When I measure my servitude against Christ I see I fall miserably short.

This book takes you through the nitty-gritty of what it takes to be a servant like Jesus Christ. Maybe the most frightening part of this entire book is the chapters called “The Perils of a Servant” and “The Consequences of Serving.” These two chapters show that just because you are serving like Jesus does not mean that everything in life will be perfect. In fact, they will probably be just the opposite. There are actually some dark sides to service that include suffering, affliction, confusion, persecution, and rejection. Oh boy! Sign me up! But there are also rewards in serving like Jesus Christ. We must remember that these rewards are very real, although they may never be seen or remembered by others. The point is that God is the One Who sees and remembers and rewards. And that’s all that truly should matter, because a Christian who is serving, is serving Christ for Christ’s sake. We do not do it to be noticed, lauded, or remembered.

After reading this book I am more encouraged than ever to become more like Jesus in this way. What better reward for service than an eternal one? What better praise than coming from the Lord Himself? I want to commit to a life of service so that one day I can hear those precious words from Jesus Himself: “Well done, my good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21).

September Read: “Love and Respect”

“To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

 

When Lindsay and I got married almost 2 years ago (October 22 J) we received at least 3 copies of “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. I had heard a lot about this book, but never took the time to actually read it, until this past month. “Love and Respect” is in three parts: 1) The Crazy Cycle, 2) The Energizing Cycle, and 3) The Rewarded Cycle. As I read Part One, I began to take issue with some of the things Dr. Eggerichs was saying (see below for a few them). I kept reading though, hoping to find something encouraging and beneficial in this book. Part Two was better. It had two sets of chapters—one designed for husbands to better understand their wives, and another designed for wives to better understand their husbands. There were some very good observations made and tips on how to be a better spouse. Part Three I found to be very good (FINALLY!). Dr. Eggerichs finally began to make some sense of all the comments he had brushed through in Part One.

The reason I especially like Part Three was because the entire time I had one question: So what if I do not get what I “need” from my spouse? Even if I obey God and show all the Love/Respect to them in the world and still see no improvement in my marriage – then what? (Based on some other things Dr. Eggerichs had been saying, I had my doubts I would like his answer.)

I took issue with some of the following ideas:

1)      The “Love and Respect” idea is based on Ephesians 5:33 (see quoted above). I do not like how Dr. Eggerichs feels he has discovered some message that has been secretly hiding for centuries.

2)      Limited presence of Scripture. While there was Scripture present, it was secluded (mostly) to the margins and most often not commented on – at all.

3)      The idea of your spouse stepping on your “air hose” which is supplying you love or respect. Dr. Eggerichs makes it sounds like it is perfectly acceptable for a spouse to lash out in any way that seems natural when you are not getting what you “need,” (i.e. “Love” or “Respect”) just like you would react to someone stepping on an air hose supplying you oxygen.

4)      Dr. Eggerichs description of submission. It was completely unbiblical. Dr. Eggerichs was attempting to appease the Bible with Feminism – and for that I understand why he said what he said, but it still is completely unbiblical. He said that men and women are to share responsibility and authority in the marriage 51-49%. I take issue with this because of what God says in Ephesians 5:22 and 24: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord….Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” The church submitting to Christ is the wife’s example. If you take the 51-49% idea of submission in marriage, then you would also need to do so in the church. That would mean that the church only has to give Christ 51% of authority. No one would say that. Christ receives 100% responsibility and authority in the church. So it should be in the marriage relationship.

***Now hear me out! I believe that biblically, the husband has 100% authority, responsibility, and thus also accountability, in the marriage. This does NOT mean that the husband may do whatever he wants and always get his way 100% of the time. Any good leader worth his weight in gold will take those under him into consideration. The husband should always prayerfully consider his wife’s opinion which she is always free to express, as well as consider how any decision will affect his entire family. Having 100% authority doesn’t mean you have the OK from God to make your wife a doormat. She is your helpmeet – one who you lovingly care for. And the wife lovingly supports her husband’s decisions.  

Reasons I liked his conclusion:

1)      “First, you must get to the place where you can say, ‘My response to my spouse is my responsibility’” (page 284). Finally! The idea that each spouse needs to only be concerned with their own response. If we would only be concerned with our own response in situations, things will be much less frustrating. You cannot control your spouse to react in good or bad ways in any given situation. It is our biblical responsibility to obey God and simply worry about our own reaction. God will take care of your spouse.

2)      “When my reactions to her are unloving, it reveals that I’ve still got issues…Maybe it is 70 percent her fault and only 30 percent my fault (and, then again, maybe it isn’t), but the point is, what about my 30 percent?” (page 284). Again – take full responsibility for your actions – don’t worry about your spouse’s responses.

3)      This was what really drove it home for me: “In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.” My marriage is first and foremost about my wife and me drawing nearer to Christ and displaying Christ to world. It is not primarily about my needs or her needs. This is why divorce should not be the solution. Normally, divorce is selfishly thinking of your own needs. “I can’t do this anymore!” “My needs aren’t being met!” The purpose of marriage (as is any relationship) is to honor Christ.

So in marriage, let us obey Ephesians 5:33 wholeheartedly! And if you get the chance to read “Love and Respect” do it! There are excellent points! Just do so with discernment and caution.